Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
