You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
