Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
