He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
