I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
