dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
