We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
