At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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