it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
