I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
