Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
