Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
