Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
