he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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