I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
