3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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