Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
