GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
