I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
