May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
