there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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