apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
