i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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