i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
