Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
