You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
