$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
