Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's like heaven, but drunker
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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