dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
