Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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