I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
