in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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