We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
only you would photoshop your dick
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
