Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
