Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just high enough for therapy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
