So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
