Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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