If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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