btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
