It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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