Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
