Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
