Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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