the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
