he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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