Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My bed smells like the plague
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
