i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
