onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
