id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
