who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
