my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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