I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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