im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
